You're Already Dead
by Charli007
Summary: Just an extra little bit from where Spike loves Buffy and she does not return his feelings.Obviously I don't own Buffy or Spike. Reviews and constructive criticisms really would be appreciated as this is my first go at writing a fanfic! Copyright 2007
1. You're Already Dead

"That BITCH!" Spike threw his glass at the wall and it shattered into thousands of tiny fragments. He ran his fingers through his peroxide blonde hair, then in a burst of renewed fury punched the wall with his fist until it began to bleed.

His evening had started off well. He'd gone to the Bronze, stalked over to a girl with a beautiful, slender neck, and asked her what her poison was.

"People like you..." she had replied, a glint of flirtation in her eyes. Spike, with his intense blue eyes, razor sharp cheekbones and the general air of someone who could show you a really... bad time had never had any trouble with the ladies.

"What am I like then, pet?" he asked her, finding her deep brown eyes with his piercing blue ones.

"You're sexy as hell, and you know it. And you know I know it, and you only want one thing from me. That sound about right?" she took another sip of her drink.

About right, Spike remembered thinking. Although I don't want what you're thinking of. Not from you, anyway. A hint of a smile played on his lips.

"Another drink then, love? What'll it be?"

"I'll have a gin and tonic."

"Gin and tonic for the lady." Spike called to the barman.

"You're not having anything?"

Spike's smile grew, and he lifted his hand and rested his fingers lightly on her cheek.

"No need."

The girl smiled back at him, clearly enjoying the attention he was giving her, and the jealous looks some of the other girls in the club were shooting at her.

"I haven't seen you around before. What's your name?"

"Spike."

"I'm Louisa. God, it's cold in here. Your fingers are freezing." she wrapped her own around his, and slowly led his hand away from her face. She leaned in close to him. "How about we get out of here?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

She led him to the exit, still holding on to his hand. "Where shall we go?"

"How about we stay right here," he said, and delivered a punch that could shatter bones into the side of her face. She recovered quickly, and the face now looking back at him was an ugly shadow of what it had been previously. She was a vampire.

"I'm going to make you pay for that" she said, her now yellow-green eyes alight with rage. He blocked her punches easily, and kicked her hard in the stomach, sending her flying onto the ground. He then bared his own true face, and grabbed the stake he had concealed in his leather trench coat and held it above her heart.

She looked up at him, terrified, but with a confused look in her eyes.

"But you're one of us..."

"Wrong again lo-" Spike began, when someone grabbed him and threw him to the ground. Slayer.

"He's been neutered." Buffy smiled at the vampire she'd torn Spike from. "Nice to meet you, by the way." she plunged her own stake into the girl's heart before she had a chance to venture a reply.

"I was getting there, Slayer."

"Yeah? Well I got there first."

He looked at her. Really looked at her.

"What do you want, Spike?"

"Nothing. I just appreciate a bit of violence. And since they put this sodding chip in my head, the only way I can get my rocks off is by fighting demons and bloody vampires. So you'd better accept the fact that I'm on your side now."

"What do you know about my side, Spike. You have no soul. You could kill all the vampires on earth and you still wouldn't be on my side. You know why? Because if you had the choice, it would have been a human you'd brought at here tonight, and you would have tried to kill her just the same."

"You don't know that. I've changed, Slayer. You've changed me."

"Oh don't start that again." She looked at him with a hatred in her eyes that hurt him more than he would have liked. "You don't love me Spike. You couldn't possibly. You're just an empty shell."

"I know what love is Buffy. I know I love you. And I'll do what it takes to prove it to you."

"Do what you want Spike. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because I could _never_ love you. Never."

"I'd die for you Buffy."

"You're already dead."

And at that moment, he wished he was. Properly dead. Dust dead. Just because he knew that she wished it too.


	2. Pure and True and Painful as Hell

Shaking with anger, Spike sat down heavily on his couch, and rested his head in his hands. Why couldn't she understand? All he wanted was to be close to her. Feel like he could help her in some way. Be a part of her life. Know that he was worth _something_ in her eyes. He'd never felt this way before. Not with Drusilla, certainly not with Harmony. This was the real thing. Pure and true and painful as hell. She was the one that made him feel alive, and she clearly wished that he was dead. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Or was there?

There must be another way to show her, a way to make her feel what he felt. He wanted her to feel it. Even if she didn't return his feelings, he wanted to leave her without a doubt that his love for her was as real as any demon she had ever faced.

He stood up suddenly, a sense of determination filling him. He opened the cupboard where he kept his secret shrine to her, and grabbed his favourite picture of her, her smile radiant, her eyes bright and her hair fanned around her like a halo.

"I'll show you that I mean every word, love," he kissed the photo and put it in his pocket, then slammed the cupboard door. He snatched up his leather jacket, left the crypt and got into his car. He turned the radio up and slammed his foot down. It was going to be a long drive. Last he'd heard of the woman he was looking for, she was in LA...


	3. Long Lost Lovers

He'd known that this was where he would find her. He may not love her like he loved Buffy, but he could feel her coursing through his veins. She was inside him. Drusilla.

He watched her from a distance. She was a vision, his dark goddess. Her long, ash brown hair cascaded down her back like a waterfall, and her large blue eyes framed with dark lashes and pale complexion made her look innocent and doll-like, which in many ways she was. The long skirt of her black dress swayed in the wind as she danced. Always dancing, his Drusilla. Dancing and laughing. Spike lit a cigarette, and watched a while longer.

He couldn't have been dead for long. There was still colour in his cheeks. His body probably still had warmth to it. She held him like a lover and gave him his final kiss. "Goodbye, my love," she said softly, then bit viciously into his neck and drank her fill.

"Spike?" she offered the body to him.

It had been a long time since he had been near human blood. The sight of it was tantalising, the smell almost irresistible. The chip in his head prevented him from harming human beings when they were alive, but dead? Well, they were fair game then. He looked from Drusilla, with her now ugly vampiric face to the body and back again, and made his choice.

It had been a struggle, getting Drusilla into his car. She may have been a woman, but she was almost as strong as he was, and she didn't like to go anywhere against her will. He had grabbed the body from her, and tossed it to the ground. She had started to object, but he put one hand over her mouth, and wrapped his other arm around her body and carried her across the graveyard. Drusilla, however, had other ideas and kicked him sharply in the stomach, flooring him. He recovered quickly and lunged at her, knocking her onto her back. She giggled like a little girl, but fear and confusion clouded her eyes.

"Spike?"

Holding her down with the weight of his body, he searched the ground around his hands until he found a small rock. He hit her hard on the head with it, knocking her unconscious. He slung her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing and carried her to his car.

He was half way back to Sunnydale by the time she came round.

"I didn't like that game Spike. You didn't play by the rules." she looked at him sadly, her wide eyes filled with hurt.

"I know, Dru. I just had to get you home."

"Home? We don't have a home, Spike. The slayer, she..." her voice shook with disdain and she struggled against the ropes Spike had used to secure her to the car seat.

"...She killed our friends like dollies. We had lots of friends, Spike. We used to play games," she giggled, and the sound that used to make his heart sing now made him shudder in annoyance. He looked once more at the woman that used to be everything and was now nothing, and felt something he had never felt for her before. Something he had never felt for anyone before. He pitied her, because she was a shadow. She wasn't complete and vital, she was a shell. Let's face it, she was off her head. And it was all Angel's doing. He seethed when he thought of the man who had in so many ways taken everything good in his life. He had ruined Dru, stealing her sanity before snatching her life from her, and he had stolen Buffy's heart before he had had a chance to conquer it. He would never be close to her in the way that Angel was, and this infuriated him. He was just as much a man as tall dark and broody, and without the bloody forehead overhang! He lit a cigarette, slammed his foot on the gas and turned the volume as high as it would go on his radio to drown out the sound of Drusilla's laughter.


	4. Meanwhile in Sunnydale

"I don't like it, Buff. You know how Spike can get all obsessed with stuff, and he's not exactly the safest person to be around, even with the chip in his head."

"I know, Xander! But what can I do? I've tried telling him I'm not interested but I don't know... all that peroxide must have got to his brain." Buffy was in the Magic Box with her friends, discussing a vampire problem of a slightly different nature than they were used to dealing with.

"There might be a spell... an anti-love spell?" Xander looked pointedly at Willow.

"I don't know if we should mess with that kind of thing Xander. Love spells have got us into trouble before. Remember?"

Xander remembered alright. He laughed slightly, embarrassed. "I said an _anti_ love spell. No more hoards of adoring women for me, thanks."

"Still. Buffy has a point. That's powerful magic, and so many things could go wrong. Couldn't you try and, y'know... knock some sense into him?" Willow made little punching motions with her hands.

"Again... I've tried that course of action."

"You must admit he's kind of sexy. He is muscular and has a very attractive face." Anya piped up, and was silenced by a look from Xander.

"He's a vampire, Anya."

"Angel was a vampire."

"Angel was different! Angel had a soul. Spike just has... a leash. Besides! I'm not attracted to Spike."

"Not even a little?"

"No! But I'm beginning to think _you_ are!"

"That's quite enough," Giles sighed "Buffy, I think you are making a bigger deal of this than necessary. Yes, Spike is... an annoyance at best, but he poses no serious threat at present. However, I am interested in hearing more about the demon you encountered before seeing Spike. Describe it, again, you say it had four arms?"

"Yeah, and each of them hit as hard. It was kinda, purplish blue and it had little horns on his head," Buffy made little horn gestures on her head with her fingers.

"It sounds to me like you're describing a Golgey demon. They're very powerful..." Giles pulled a book from the shelf and started flicking through the pages. "A-ha. Is this the one?"

"That's the one. Man it's even uglier than I remembered." Buffy gave a little shudder and passed the book back to Giles.

"Did you see which way it was heading when it got away?"

"Um, towards the graveyard."

"That makes sense. These demons feed on grief. Awful creatures. An infestation can lead to mass suicides, whole villages have been known to be wiped out."

"How do I kill it?" Buffy asked, rising from her seat.

"It won't be easy Buffy. You will need to remove its heart."

"No problem Giles, I'll just kill it, then-"

"No, Buffy. You need to rip out its heart while it is still beating."


	5. Visions and dark places

"So what do you think of the place? It's not much, but it's home." Spike sunk onto the couch opposite the chair he had tied Drusilla to.

"You're a bad dolly Spike. You aren't playing properly." quiet fury swam in Drusilla's blue eyes.

"Oh I am Dru, you're just playing the wrong game, pet." Spike laughed. It was always the women in his life playing games with him. Why should they have all the fun? It was his turn now.

Drusilla let out a yelp of frustration and struggled against her ropes, but Spike had tied them too tight.

"You've changed, Spike. I can see her inside of you, crawling around like a maggot. You're not one of them Spike. You're not... good." she spat the word out like it disgusted her and she couldn't wait for it to leave her mouth. "You belong with me, in the dark. That's where we belong."

Spike stood up and walked over to where she sat. He stroked her hair softly and looked into her eyes.

"Sweet, sweet Drusilla. You're so..." she looked up eagerly "...Stupid." he finished, and moved his hand away from her face. The anger returned to her eyes and she tried desperately to escape, desperate to hurt him. Good, he thought, he preferred her that way. Anger he could handle. Sad Drusilla made things so much harder to handle.

"You know, love-"

"Aaa-aaaaaaargh" Drusilla cried, pressing her hand against her forehead. Spike recognised the action. Drusilla was getting a vision.

"What is it Dru? Is it Buffy? What's happening?! What's happening to Buffy?"

"Slayer... a demon... he's killing her Spike... too many arms... she can't..."

"Where is she? Dammit Dru! Where is she?"

"The graveyard. Don't go, Spike. Let her die... We can get the chip out of your head, be together again. We could go back to Prague. We could feast-"

But Spike was already gone. Dru wailed into the empty darkness. Stranded and helpless.


	6. Facing the demon

Buffy wiped blood from her lips. It was hard to keep an eye on all four arms, and the demon was tiring her out. She aimed a powerful kick at the creature's stomach, but the Golgey anticipated the move, grabbed her by the foot and flung her across the floor. Her jacket got caught on some razor wire and tore badly.

"Well... that's 100 bucks down the drain." Buffy slid out of her jacket and jumped up quickly. Her shoulder smarted like hell and her whole body ached, but she had to get up and fight, the demon wasn't about to make allowances for her injuries.

"Little help here guys? Will?" Buffy called to her friends. Her friends often came with her on these missions, and had proven invaluable in the past.

"I'm trying Buffy... He must have a protection spell or something... Everything is being blocked!" the Wicca's eyes were narrowed in concentration "I'm trying to break it... but..."

The demon launched another punch at Buffy's face, but this time she managed to block the attack by grabbing his fist, then turned the demon over and threw him to the ground. This was quite a feat, even for Buffy, being as petite as she was. The demon towered above her, a good 6"5, and he wasn't exactly skinny. It made a terrible groaning noise, and then disappeared.

"Is that all you got?" Buffy quipped, but she tensed up, all her senses in overdrive, ready for an attack at any moment. She'd faced demon's that could teleport themselves at will before, and knew the fight was far from over.

"Will, have you got anything yet?"

"I'm getting there Buffy... he lost a lot of energy teleporting... I can feel his defence weakening."

Good, Buffy thought. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

"Xander, I want you to-"

At this, the demon grabbed Buffy with all four of its arms and began to drag her away through the forest.

"Willow!!" she screamed, trying to elbow the beast in its stomach, and kicking at it with her legs. She managed to kick it hard in the shin with the heel of her boot, causing it to yell out in pain and release its grip on her, and collapse to the ground clutching at its leg in pain. While it was incapacitated, she delivered a roundhouse kick to the creature's skull, making a sickening crack sound. The monster howled in agony, and grabbed at her, desperate for revenge. The Golgey clawed savagely at her arm, giving her a series of shallow wounds. In retaliation, she grabbed one of its arms and snapped it. The pain in the demon's murky green eyes was clearly visible.

"Well that's one less to worry about. One down, three to go I suppose." Buffy joked. The demon's humour however, was not up to much, and used two of his remaining arms to lift her effortlessly off the ground. By her throat.

Willow's brow furrowed as she looked at her friend. Why was her spell not working? There must be something she could do. Buffy needed her. She watched as Xander ran over to the pair, and hurled himself at the demon, trying to knock him over, only to be swiped away by its remaining free arm, as effortlessly as if he were a fly. Think, Willow, think! There was that new spell... But she'd never tried it before, what if it went wrong? As she watched Buffy turn from red to purple, she decided the time for worrying had passed. It was quite literally do or die.


	7. Who needs a heart?

Spike paced the graveyard, searching for a sign of Buffy, a sign of a fight, any clue to where she might be. There was nothing. Drusilla had lied to him. He kicked the nearest tombstone in his frustration, destroying the final resting place of "J Stanley".

He took the picture of Buffy out of his pocket, and stroked her cheek with his finger. He tried to connect with her, tried to find her. But she had never given herself to him. He cursed and turned back and headed out into town.

"If I were a demon, where would I go for a fight?" Shouldn't be too much of a push to imagine, ... I _am _one...

He looked left to the parade of shops. Not there. Too busy. He looked to his right. The forest. Gotcha.

He walked quickly and with urgency, the tail of his black coat billowing behind him. It irritated him that Drusilla had lied to him. Maybe she wasn't as crazy as she'd have him believe after all. And she was in his home... But he couldn't worry about that now. Buffy was in danger, and he knew that was true. He could feel it in every fibre of his body, something was happening to the Slayer and it wasn't good. His life would be empty with her gone. He had to save her. His plans for Drusilla would have to be put on hold.

The short walk to the forest seemed to be taking forever, and every second he was walking was a second that he couldn't afford to lose. He broke into a sprint.

"Buffy?! Buffy!!" he called?

She was close, he could feel her.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of something hanging from the razor wire fence. It was a jacket. He grabbed it and breathed in its scent. Buffy.

He quickened his pace again, listening out for a sound to indicate her whereabouts.

"Buffy!"

"Spike? Over here!" Buffy's friend Willow called.

He ran over to her, coat flying behind him like a cape.

"Where's Buffy, Willow? Is she in trouble?"

"Yes... He took her..."

"Where? What way did he go?"

Willow pointed to a patch of woods that looked very disturbed, there had definitely been a struggle there.

"I tried a spell... to slow him down but it didn't work... I must have got it wrong. He didn't like it though. We tried to follow them, but..."

Spike was only half listening. He turned from Willow and begun walking to the disturbed patch of

wood, when Xander called after him,

"She doesn't want you Spike. She never will. You're wasting your time."

Spike rounded on him.

"Is that so, Harris. She may not want me but she bloody needs me. She could be dying and who's helping her? Certainly isn't you is it big man." he gave Xander a shove on his shoulder and whipped around, and headed back to the trail of the beast.

"How did Spike know?" Xander asked Willow, still smarting from being slighted by the vampire.

"Good question..." Willow replied, her brow furrowed in confusion.

Spike tunnelled through the trees and bushes, his face becoming covered with tiny scratches. He could now easily follow her scent, he knew she was close.

"Buffy?" He saw her, lying helplessly on the ground, angry bruises forming around her neck. The Golgey was circling her, examining her as if she were a rare delicacy and he was deciding exactly how he should enjoy her.

Anger ripped through Spike when he saw what the demon had done to his precious girl. She was bleeding from a series of nasty scratches on her arm, she was bruised and battered and her lip was bleeding and swollen. The bruises on her delicate neck made him curse involuntarily.

The Golgey sensed Spike's presence, and looked up in interest. He recognised him as a fellow demon, and didn't see him as a threat, but at the same time did not want to share his prize. He stood to his full (impressive) height, and gave a roar.

Spike, fuelled by rage for what this terrible creature had done to the woman he loved, launched himself at the Golgey, knocking him to the ground. He pummelled him recklessly, shocking the demon with his strength.

"Get... the heart... Spike" Buffy spoke weakly, but urgently.

Spike, never one for questions, reached into the monster's chest and pulled out the still beating heart. The demon looked up in shock, then closed his eyes and melted beneath Spike, sending him falling to the ground, falling rather ungracefully into a revolting puddle of demon goo.

"Bloody hell."

He turned to Buffy, his eyes filled with concern and love.

"Buffy...?"

He knelt beside her, and examined her wounds.

"Nasty guy, that one. You'll be alright though Slayer. Nasty gouge that though. Might want to get that looked at."

Buffy snatched her arm away.

"Come on Slayer, I did just save your life you know. I'm only trying to help."

"Well don't! This didn't mean anything, Spike. If you didn't come along, that spell Willow did..."

"If I didn't come along you would be dead by now, love. And don't go denying it. Buffy... I..."

"You what, Spike?"

"I won't bother next time." he said, and threw the demon's heart he was still clutching in his hand to the ground next to her face.

She watched him as he skulked away, and wondered why she'd been so snappy with him. He did just save her life after all. He just got right under her skin...


End file.
